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I decided to email her from a made-up email address with Gary's name in it. Pretending to be Gary, I would say that I had just guessed her email address. That would be pretty easy, as her address was just her name, Nicki, at one of the common email providers. I started off tentatively: "Hi Nicki, hope I've guessed your email right, this is Gary, I know it's been a long time, but I've been thinking about you a lot recently. I thought it would be great to get in touch again, Gary x" She responded almost immediately. "Oh, Gary, how great to hear from you! I've also thought about you a lot ;-) how're things with you? Nicki xxx" I guess part of me was disappointed that she had responded at all, let alone so eagerly. I decided to communicate a bit more and really go for it. "Well, Nicki, I'm still married and my wife is hugely suspicious so do you mind if we just email, no calls or texts. I miss you licking my balls :-) I loved being deep inside your soft wet cunt. Would love to do it. If this was 1998, and I was merely engaged, I could throw everything away that I had at the time. I would take the risk. I would shed myself of everything for one more chance with you. A part of me wants to smack me for feeling this way. I linger over the sensation that I can still trust you with my whole being, and the sensation that it is the right thing to do. I am living a lie. Everyday that goes by, I know that I have only hastily tried to patch my world together and keep moving forward, but that I am carrying a flame for someone else. Even if you are secretly laughing at me, I’ve been warned before that I am not truly happy with the one who loves me. I am safer in this world to stay with him, though. The logical thought that I am wrong about the things I feel for you interferes with my desire to take a leap of faith. Faith in true love. Faith in a loving God. Faith that as I have wished – that we would someday meet again, and that we would one day become one, again – you have.
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